THE NAVY -- THEN AND NOW
A reminder of what the Navy is today.
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Then-If you smoked, you had an ashtray on your desk.
Now-If you smoke, you get sent outside and treated like a leper.

Then-Mail took weeks to come to the ship.
Now-Every time you get near land, there's a mob topside to see if their cell phone works.

Then-If you left the ship it was in Blues or Whites, even in home port.
Now- The only time you wear Blues or Whites is for ceremonies.
          (Soon to be eliminated)

Then-You wore bellbottoms every where on the ship.
Now-Bellbottoms are gone and 14 year old girls wear them every where.

Then-You wore a dixie cup all day, with every uniform.
Now-It's not required and you have a choice in different hats.
       (Soon to be eliminated)

Then-If you said "damn," people knew you were annoyed and avoided you.
Now-If you say "damn" you'd better be talking about a hydroelectric plant.

Then-The Ships Office had a typewriter on his desk for doing daily reports.
Now-Everyone has a computer with Internet access and they wonder why no
work is getting done.

Then-We painted pictures of pretty girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
Now-We put the real thing in the cockpit.

Then-Your girlfriend was at home, praying you would return alive.
Now-She is on the same ship, praying your condom worked.

Then-If you got drunk off duty, your buddies would take you back to the
ship so you could sleep it off.
Now-If you get drunk off duty, they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

Then-Canteens were made out of steel and you could heat coffee or hot
chocolate in them.
Now-Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat them because they'll
melt and anything inside always tastes like plastic.

Then-Our top officers were professional sailors first. They commanded
respect.
Now-Our top officers are politicians first. They beg not to be given a
wedgie.

Then-They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
Now-They collect your pee and analyze it.

Then-If you didn't act right, they'd put you on extra duty until you
straightened up.
Now-If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you
forever.

Then-Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their
own.
Now-Medals are awarded to people who show up for work most of the time.

Then-You slept in a barracks, like a soldier.
Now-You sleep in a dormitory, like a college kid.

Then-You ate in a Mess Hall. It was free and you could have all the food you wanted.
Now-You eat in a Dining Facility. Every slice of bread or pat of butter
costs and you can only have one.

Then-We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
Now-We can't even beat Iraq.

Then-If you wanted to relax, you went to the Rec Center, played pool,
smoked and drank beer.
Now-You go to the Community Center and can still play pool, maybe.

Then-If you wanted a quarter beer and conversation, you could go to the
NCO or Officers' Club.
Now-The beer will cost you two dollars and someone is watching to see how much you drink.

Then-The Exchange had bargains for sailors who didn't make much money.
Now-You can get better merchandise cheaper at Wal-Mart.

Then-If an Admiral wanted to make a presentation, he scribbled down some
notes and a PN spent an hour preparing a bunch of charts.
Now-The Admiral has his entire staff spending days preparing a Power Point presentation.

Then-We called the enemy things like "Commie Bastards" and "Reds"
because we didn't like them.
Now-We call the enemy things like "Opposing Forces" and "Aggressors" so
we won't offend them.

Then-We declared victory when the enemy was dead and all his things were
broken.
Now-We declare victory when the enemy says he is sorry and won't do it
again.

Then-A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
Now-A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.
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